parenting qualities
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Bee Smart Baby: Action Words! 1 [VHS] $9.50 VHS Tape… |
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I Am Your Child Quality Child Care $0.52 Making the right choice for you & your child… |
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How To Spend Quality Reading Time With Your Child In Just 15 Minutes A Day [VHS] $14.95 Janice Dobbert, a mother of two and an elementary school teacher from Sarasota, Florida is spearheading a campaign that offers reading help to a needy world. Her new video bears a name that has resulted from her efforts to reach the working parent and convince them that they can play a vital role in their child’s development no matter how little time they have to offer their child. Appropriately n… |
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Parenting with Puppets $1.99 … |
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Quality Child Care: Making the Right Choice for You and Your Child $6.00 Features include: •Runtime: 30 minutes•Runtime: 30 minutes… |
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1949 Social Control Theory Video: Morals, Laws & Conformity in Parenting $4.99 This educational video discusses the three methods of social control in 1950s United States: American customs (what we usually do), American morals (what we should do), and American law (what we must do). A group of teenagers serve as a microcosm of society, with the parents as the governmental authority. The story is about the group and how their teen curfews are causing difficulty at work (they … |
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Time Out Pad – Blue $22.04 The Time Out Pad is a pressure sensitive pad with a built in timer that helps parents monitor time outs. This simply works by adjusting the timer for one to five minutes and by pressing the start button. Its countdown will start when the child sits on the Time Out Pad and if the child stands up before the countdown has ended, an alarm sounds until they sit back down. This features red, yellow, and… |
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Poser 9 $129.95 Poser 9 provides the world s easiest way to create captivating art and animation with 3D characters. Simple-to-learn tools and included characters let artists focus on making art. Poser es with over 3GB of ready-to-pose humans and animals textures props and 3D scene elements. In the Face Room customize Poser characters from facial photographs; add dynamic hair and clothing; dress the Poser virtual… |
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Baby Matters $4.19 Any new parent who is experiencing the inevitable chaos a baby brings will appreciate Baby Matters. Properly used, this program will prevent that blank feeling that occurs when the new daycare provider asks for an immunization list. It can help you say goodbye to cryptic notes scribbled on Post-Its for the babysitter. It may even alleviate the guilt that occurs when you glimpse the incomplete… |
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Adobe After Effects Standard 6.5 [Old Version] $699.99 The essential tool for motion graphics and visual effects.Adobe After Effects 6.5 software continues to set new standards in motion graphics and visual effects for film video DVD and the Web. Offering unmatched integration with Adobe Premiere Pro Adobe Encore DVD Adobe Audition Photoshop CS and Illustrator CS software After Effects gives you the speed precision and power to be visually innovative … |
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Puma Parenting – Mouse Mat Art247 Highest Quality Natural Rubber Mouse Mats – Mouse Mat $12.99 Natural Rubber Mouse MatAll products are produced from the highest quality natural rubber.Heavy Weight Traditional Mousemats actual size: 250 x 190 x 6mmCrop shown is automated for display purposes only. All mousemats are hand finished and the best most appropriate crop will always be selected to best show the full image. Therefore, actual product may vary from crop shown…. |
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POST Tabbed Parenting Journal, Saffiano Blue $28.00 Personal organization has never been so stylish! POST has 3 different Tabbed Journals to help you keep track of resources, experiences, and ideas for entertaining, parenting, or recipes. Each Journal has tabs specifically labeled for the Journal. Journals are 4.375 x 6-inches. Easy to carry, convenient to have on hand when you need to know a phone number, ingredient, teacher’s name, etc. It took P… |
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Healthy From Day 1 Create Your Baby’s Healthiest Nursery $9.99 In this step-by-step resource, expert guide Justin Valley informs parents about the most prevalent causes of environmental stresses in the home and advises on how to make the most beneficial choices when it comes to creating your baby’s healthiest nursery. Filled to the brim with simple, budget friendly solutions that can have a big impact on your family’s health, this book informs on crucial … |
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Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health $10.95 Celebrating 10 years of helping hundreds of thousands of women achieve pregnancy, avoid pregnancy naturally, and gain better control of their health and lives, the 10th Anniversary Edition of the classic bestseller will include: • New ‘Preface to the 10th Anniversary Edition” • Updates on new fertility technologies • Natural approaches to conception • Updated Resources and Book… |
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The Science of Yoga: The Risks and the Rewards $11.37 IN THIS REMARKABLE BOOK ABOUT YOGA, William Broad, a lifelong practitioner, shows us that uncommon states are integral to a hidden world of risk and reward that lies beneath clouds of myth, superstition, and hype.Five years in the making, The Science of Yoga draws on more than a century of painstaking research to present the first impartial evaluation of a practice thousands of years old. It celeb… |
Timing is Everything When it Comes to Parenting a Challenging Child
The best “Tuesdays with Morrie” life lessons will backfire between the eardrum and the brain if they’re offered to your child at the wrong time, especially if yours is a challenging or ADHD child.
Unfortunately, the conventional parenting model is hard-wired for bad timing. With most of us having been raised under that model ourselves, that means it’s our default parenting style.
Conventional parenting is “upside down and inside out,” says Howard Glasser, a greatness consultant and best-selling author of books about igniting greatness. “It has parents attempting to teach the rules when they are being broken and important positive qualities of life when they are not happening.”
That usually produces the exact opposite of what the parent expects, Glasser says. “Challenging children are extremely experiential in nature, and lessons are absorbed only in the context of what’s happening for the child.”
To illustrate, we’ll go through two examples of typical timing under the conventional parenting model of teaching rules and values/character; then we’ll go over them again with the perfect timing model.
Question: When do we teach children about rules?
Answer: Usually when a child has just broken one.
Example: Your child says something that is disrespectful.
Typical parental reaction: “Johnny, that was disrespectful. I’m sure you didn’t mean it. Say you’re sorry right now.” Perhaps parents can chide an easier-to-raise child into at least feigning an apology; but most likely the challenging child will not apologize and, if pressed, will defend his statement. That’s about the time the parent apologizes on behalf of the child and makes haste to get some special one-on-one time with the offender to explain in copious detail exactly why disrespect is not OK.
Wrong timing.
While this parent is absolutely well-intentioned and hoping that the child internalizes the lesson of “next time I’ll be respectful,” Glasser says what’s much more likely is that child downloads a firsthand experience of, “I am disrespectful.”
Next question: When do we teach values?
Answer: Generally, when a child has just demonstrated its opposite.
Example: It’s your daughter’s responsibility to feed Fluffy, the puppy. You come home to find Fluffy whining at the pantry door where her food is stored and acting very hungry. Meanwhile, your daughter is in the living room watching TV. You power off the TV and sit down for a sincere heart-to-heart. “Did you forget something, Elizabeth? Something you promised to do? If you can’t be responsible, we can’t keep the dog.”
The parent hopes to instill the importance of taking seriously our responsibilities, with the intention that the child will try harder the next time to be responsible. But Glasser says this child’s download is more likely, “I’m not responsible. I can’t be trusted.”
What both of these scenarios have in common is completely wrong timing. Repeat the poor timing enough times, and the child cements a self image of not only “I am disrespectful” or “I am not irresponsible,” but eventually extends the concept further, believing, “I am not good; I am bad.”
“Imagine a folder in a computer that has two items in it,” Glasser explains. “One is disrespect and the other is respect. If we habitually point and click on disrespect, the wisdom of the computer will always follow our lead and bring us down the pathway of disrespect. It has no other way of operating, unless we begin pointing and clicking on respect. Children operate in a similar fashion. They follow our lead as they learn, assimilate and eventually integrate the values we introduce to them. What we point to and click on and what we give our energy to is what is reinforced in the child.”
Glasser’s approach relies on perfectly timed parent-child interactions.
“We can certainly continue to give lectures, but we must reserve them for when they will shine light on aspects of the desired qualities, even when they emerge just a little bit,” he says.
So in the preceding example about respect the parent with perfect timing could help Johnny click on his respect folder by noticing something as simple as saying ‘Hello’ properly to an adult. “Johnny, thank you for greeting Mrs. Smith so politely. That shows respect.” Or perhaps Johnny shows respect for himself, his friends or his pets. Specific comments that ‘point and click’ on respect as a desired attribute offer the child irrefutable evidence that, indeed, he is a child who shows respect.
In the other example, the time to expound on the merits of responsibility is when Elizabeth does remember to feed the dog. “You are taking your responsibility seriously, Elizabeth. That shows me that you are a person who can be trusted. I respect that quality in you, and Fluffy is very happy too.”
Parents can easily miss the perfectly-timed opportunities to point and click on greatness because these are simply expected behaviors. But Glasser cautions, “Don’t assume that your child knows he is behaving great, good or even OK. Your child is in the process of developing impressions about himself and life. A child who has been living out a predominantly negative pattern of behavior for some time may well be under the impression, at any given moment, that he or she is doing something wrong, or not doing anything particularly positive. Help such a child size up both new and familiar situations in a favorable light.”
That starts with seeing and saying what’s right in your child’s life: expected behaviors that you take for granted, and rules that aren’t being broken and expressing appreciation for them.
But how does a parent avoid clicking on disrespect or irresponsibility – or any of the undesired folders – when the child is displaying those behaviors?
“When aspects of the undesired qualities rear their heads, the only real choice we have is giving a consequence,” Glasser says, adding, “without the reward of our energy or relationship.” That means simply saying, ‘time-out’ or ‘reset’ to the child in a completely neutral tone of voice and manner and turning away physically. No warnings, no lectures or lessons. Then, in the very next moment, turning back to the child and pointing and clicking on a new success.
To get your timing right, just do a 180-degree shift from the conventional model so that you’re teaching the rules when they are being followed and expounding on important character qualities in the moment that they are happening.
“To makes success unavoidable for your child,” Glasser says, “it’s your timing that matters: As long as your words of wisdom come out when things are not going wrong, your timing is right.”
Susan McLeod is the publisher of http://www.ENERGYPARENTING.com – a new approach to raising challenging children to be their best selves without medication. Sign up at http://www.ENERGYPARENTING.com for our free weekly enewsletter and learn why normal parenting, teaching and therapy techniques backfire with challenging kids in our free eBook, “The Top 2 Biggest Parenting Mistakes.” © 2008 ENERGYPARENTING
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|
Bee Smart Baby: Action Words! 1 [VHS] $9.50 VHS Tape… |
|
|
I Am Your Child Quality Child Care $0.52 Making the right choice for you & your child… |
|
|
How To Spend Quality Reading Time With Your Child In Just 15 Minutes A Day [VHS] $14.95 Janice Dobbert, a mother of two and an elementary school teacher from Sarasota, Florida is spearheading a campaign that offers reading help to a needy world. Her new video bears a name that has resulted from her efforts to reach the working parent and convince them that they can play a vital role in their child’s development no matter how little time they have to offer their child. Appropriately n… |
|
|
Parenting with Puppets $1.99 … |
|
|
Quality Child Care: Making the Right Choice for You and Your Child $6.00 Features include: •Runtime: 30 minutes•Runtime: 30 minutes… |
|
|
1949 Social Control Theory Video: Morals, Laws & Conformity in Parenting $4.99 This educational video discusses the three methods of social control in 1950s United States: American customs (what we usually do), American morals (what we should do), and American law (what we must do). A group of teenagers serve as a microcosm of society, with the parents as the governmental authority. The story is about the group and how their teen curfews are causing difficulty at work (they … |
|
|
Puma Parenting – Mouse Mat Art247 Highest Quality Natural Rubber Mouse Mats – Mouse Mat $12.99 Natural Rubber Mouse MatAll products are produced from the highest quality natural rubber.Heavy Weight Traditional Mousemats actual size: 250 x 190 x 6mmCrop shown is automated for display purposes only. All mousemats are hand finished and the best most appropriate crop will always be selected to best show the full image. Therefore, actual product may vary from crop shown…. |
|
|
POST Tabbed Parenting Journal, Saffiano Blue $28.00 Personal organization has never been so stylish! POST has 3 different Tabbed Journals to help you keep track of resources, experiences, and ideas for entertaining, parenting, or recipes. Each Journal has tabs specifically labeled for the Journal. Journals are 4.375 x 6-inches. Easy to carry, convenient to have on hand when you need to know a phone number, ingredient, teacher’s name, etc. It took P… |
|
|
Time Out Pad – Blue $22.04 The Time Out Pad is a pressure sensitive pad with a built in timer that helps parents monitor time outs. This simply works by adjusting the timer for one to five minutes and by pressing the start button. Its countdown will start when the child sits on the Time Out Pad and if the child stands up before the countdown has ended, an alarm sounds until they sit back down. This features red, yellow, and… |
|
|
Healthy From Day 1 Create Your Baby’s Healthiest Nursery $9.99 In this step-by-step resource, expert guide Justin Valley informs parents about the most prevalent causes of environmental stresses in the home and advises on how to make the most beneficial choices when it comes to creating your baby’s healthiest nursery. Filled to the brim with simple, budget friendly solutions that can have a big impact on your family’s health, this book informs on crucial … |
|
|
Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health $10.95 Celebrating 10 years of helping hundreds of thousands of women achieve pregnancy, avoid pregnancy naturally, and gain better control of their health and lives, the 10th Anniversary Edition of the classic bestseller will include: • New ‘Preface to the 10th Anniversary Edition” • Updates on new fertility technologies • Natural approaches to conception • Updated Resources and Book… |
|
|
The Science of Yoga: The Risks and the Rewards $11.37 IN THIS REMARKABLE BOOK ABOUT YOGA, William Broad, a lifelong practitioner, shows us that uncommon states are integral to a hidden world of risk and reward that lies beneath clouds of myth, superstition, and hype.Five years in the making, The Science of Yoga draws on more than a century of painstaking research to present the first impartial evaluation of a practice thousands of years old. It celeb… |
|
|
Poser 9 $129.95 Poser 9 provides the world s easiest way to create captivating art and animation with 3D characters. Simple-to-learn tools and included characters let artists focus on making art. Poser es with over 3GB of ready-to-pose humans and animals textures props and 3D scene elements. In the Face Room customize Poser characters from facial photographs; add dynamic hair and clothing; dress the Poser virtual… |
|
|
Baby Matters $4.19 Any new parent who is experiencing the inevitable chaos a baby brings will appreciate Baby Matters. Properly used, this program will prevent that blank feeling that occurs when the new daycare provider asks for an immunization list. It can help you say goodbye to cryptic notes scribbled on Post-Its for the babysitter. It may even alleviate the guilt that occurs when you glimpse the incomplete… |
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|
Adobe After Effects Standard 6.5 [Old Version] $699.99 The essential tool for motion graphics and visual effects.Adobe After Effects 6.5 software continues to set new standards in motion graphics and visual effects for film video DVD and the Web. Offering unmatched integration with Adobe Premiere Pro Adobe Encore DVD Adobe Audition Photoshop CS and Illustrator CS software After Effects gives you the speed precision and power to be visually innovative … |
