missouri parenting plan
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The 90-Minute Baby Sleep Program: Follow Your Child’s Natural Sleep Rhythms for Better Nights and Naps $5.79 For every parent who struggles with their baby’s sleep (and for every parent who wishes their toddler had better sleep habits), finally a straightforward, all-natural solution to help baby get the sleep she needs—both through the night and during the day. A sleep researcher with a Ph.D. in neuroscience, Dr. Polly Moore has created a simple, foolproof method based on the basic human rest and act… |
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The Successful Single Mom $10.85 Honoree Corpron Corder, former single mom and business coach, gives single moms the tools they need to quickly and effectively get moving – personally and professionally – in the direction they want to go. This book provides single moms with a simple, practical method for creating success. They will learn how to develop a support system, create a vision, and improve their attitude. They will desig… |
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Mom Energy: A Simple Plan to Live Fully Charged $7.75 From celebrated dietitian Ashley Koff and fitness trainer to the stars Kathy Kaehler comes Mom Energy, an exciting new way for moms to tap into their own natural and renewable sources of energy to overcome fatigue and achieve their personal health goals. Koff and Kaehler have put together a safe, sensible, flexible, and, most importantly, effective program for moms of any age—whether… |
Can a Divorce Be Constructive?
In the previous article, I wrote about how a change in the way I bill my clients has reduced the combativeness in the cases I handle. And, because there is less fighting, my client’s legal bills have been reduced. What was this change? I insist that my clients keep their payments up to date. In the past, I would “carry” my clients until the case was concluded, believing this was more compassionate when their lives were in such turmoil.
This simple change forced my clients to make considered judgments about what they were fighting about. No longer was it a “good value” to fight over who got the china or who was more to blame for the failure of their marriage. Irrationally, divorcing couples dig their heels in over issues just like these, bogging down negotiations, demanding needless motions, and going to trial rather than settling, just so they can “win” the last battle of their marriage.
Monetarily, the result is rarely a victory, not to mention the emotional and psychological costs extracted. The extra legal fees are seldom rewarded by a comparable gain in value received because judges are typically very consistent in dividing the marital assets roughly half and half, and in following the prescribed guidelines or precedent for determining support payments and setting custody schedules.
Making sure my clients understand the cost-benefit ratio of their decisions is just one tenet of what I call the ConstructiveDivorce®. With the ConstructiveDivorce, the focus is on the future, not the past. It is designed to lower the emotional and financial costs of a divorce while assuring that my clients move on to the next phase of their life with momentum, at peace with the outcome, and an adequately resourced plan for their future.
Another fundamental aspect of how I practice is that I work to prepare a settlement offer as early in the case as possible. It proposes how the marital property is to be divided; a parenting plan and custody schedule for the children; and any child or spousal support payments. It is one spouse’s explicit acknowledgment that the marriage is over. Some people are able to do this more readily than others, and the contentiousness that occurs in a divorce is often because one or both parties are not yet ready to accept this reality. It is easier to keep bickering than confront life on their own.
Under a more adversarial approach, both sides refuse to make a specific proposal for settling the case until just before it’s set for trial, or to make only proposals that are so one-sided that going to trial seems like the unavoidable outcome. Inevitably, this sort of stonewalling, brinksmanship and toughness raises tensions and cultivates a setting for combativeness and exorbitant fees.
To be sure, helping clients move onto to the next stage of their lives involves more than just settling cases quickly. Some have very real support needs for themselves and/or their children that have to be met in a tangible way. These are challenging issues that can extend negotiations or even require a trial to bring about the final decision. But, as future issues, it is inherently a constructive act to resolve these in the best way possible.
Finally, a ConstructiveDivorce involves more than just focusing on the future. Some clients are in so much pain that they cannot see the future. In those situations, as their advocate, I try to connect my client with a therapist, clergy or other caregiver that can help them work through the despair and look forward to the next stage of their life. Divorce is really about helping people put their lives back together again.
About the Author
Cynthia M. Fox is a Missouri attorney and mediator located in Clayton, MO. Her web site is www.foxfamilylawyers.com She has pioneered a new approach to divorce called The ConstructiveDivorce® as well as handling a wide variety of other family law matters in more than 25 years of practice. Reading or following the information in this article does not create an attorney-client relationship with Cynthia Fox.
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The 90-Minute Baby Sleep Program: Follow Your Child’s Natural Sleep Rhythms for Better Nights and Naps $5.79 For every parent who struggles with their baby’s sleep (and for every parent who wishes their toddler had better sleep habits), finally a straightforward, all-natural solution to help baby get the sleep she needs—both through the night and during the day. A sleep researcher with a Ph.D. in neuroscience, Dr. Polly Moore has created a simple, foolproof method based on the basic human rest and act… |
|
|
The Successful Single Mom $10.85 Honoree Corpron Corder, former single mom and business coach, gives single moms the tools they need to quickly and effectively get moving – personally and professionally – in the direction they want to go. This book provides single moms with a simple, practical method for creating success. They will learn how to develop a support system, create a vision, and improve their attitude. They will desig… |
|
|
Mom Energy: A Simple Plan to Live Fully Charged $7.75 From celebrated dietitian Ashley Koff and fitness trainer to the stars Kathy Kaehler comes Mom Energy, an exciting new way for moms to tap into their own natural and renewable sources of energy to overcome fatigue and achieve their personal health goals. Koff and Kaehler have put together a safe, sensible, flexible, and, most importantly, effective program for moms of any age—whether… |
